There’s nothing like being in love. When you love someone, you naturally believe them, and you certainly don’t want (or expect) to be cheated on. So, when your husband suddenly starts to make excuses for not being with you, such as working late, etc, it’s natural to have some questions come up in the back of your mind… and if the relationship just doesn’t seem to be the same, we sometimes even wonder if he may be cheating.
…And when you catch your partner watching porn? There seems to be a grey area here, and the answer isn’t quite as clear. Internet pornography is the new infidelity (minus the in-person sexual relations, of course). This is why “is porn cheating?” is one of the most searched questions on Google. Not surprisingly, not everyone answers this question in the same way…
It’s important for you to establish your own boundaries and determine how you feel about it, and be clear when in a relationship, especially when married.
In addition to the debate about whether or not porn is cheating, there’s another question to consider: “Is porn use good for the marriage?”.
Renowned psychologist, Dr. Phil, confirms that the use of porn is cheating and that nothing good comes out of it. Here are his thoughts from the article “Is Internet Pornography Cheating?” (source) to help you in answering the question for yourself:
“Internet pornography is a growing trend that has many people worried about their relationships. Is it cheating? And is it a “normal guy thing”? Here’s what Dr. Phil believes:
It is not OK behavior. It is a perverse and ridiculous intrusion into your relationship. It is an insult, it is disloyal and it is cheating.
– Consider how it makes your partner feel. If it makes your partner feel ugly, hurt, deceived, lied to or inadequate, then it needs to stop. If it is eroding your relationship, it’s gone too far.
– Pornography isn’t real, it’s a fantasy. It’s makeup, beauty lenses, hair extensions, camera angles, lighting and silicone! It’s also somebody’s daughter who has taken a really, really wrong turn. She’s demeaning herself, debasing herself, humiliating herself and she’s being exploited by people who are funded by you. It is a sick, demented, twisted world. It’s not healthy, it’s not natural and it’s not normal.
– Viewing internet pornography or engaging in cybersex is a short step to taking cheating to the next level.
– You need to tell your partner that viewing pornography is absolutely, unequivocally unacceptable in your relationship. Draw a line: Your partner needs to choose between the pornography or the relationship.
Ask yourself or your partner:
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Would you do it with your partner standing right there?
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Are you turning outside of your relationship to meet a need that should be met within the relationship? You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge, so find out if you or your partner have a problem.
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Do you justify the behavior by saying, “It’s harmless,” “Everyone does it,” or “It’s just the internet”?
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Does it intrude on your relationship? Which is more important: pornography or your relationship?”
So what do you think — is porn cheating? Opinions will be diverse, and that’s understandable. But be careful not to go to the easiest conclusion and accept many people’s belief that there’s nothing wrong with looking at porn.
You’ll need to decide for yourself if porn is normal and how you feel about it as an influence in your relationship. It’s okay to reject it and place it in the cheating category if it makes you feel betrayed. If this is the case, however, you will need to have a frank and open conversation with your partner.
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